I’m not saying the pre-game buildup was slow, but these ice sickles formed on our roof between the tribute to fallen firefighters in the service of concession stand protection and the actual kickoff.

(All descriptions of frozen water formations are the property of the National Football League.)

I’m not a hunter (although I have gone hunting once in my life and I enjoyed it) but this blog post, if accurate, suggests that a well-respected hunter and writer was punished for not towing some kind of imaginary line. What did he say? He suggested that — just maybe — it wasn’t terribly sporting to use an military-style rifle for hunting. It’s not an insane thought since, you know, elk seldom shoot back. He wasn’t proposing legislation, mind you; he was just talking about hunting.

On February 16 on his blog on the website of the Outdoor Life Magazine, where he has worked since 1962, most recently as hunting editor, Zumbo made a comment that makes sense to most Americans. (I can’t link to it because Outdoor Life immediately removed it and replaced it with Zumbo’s termination notice.)

All this happened late one night after Zumbo had been coyote hunting in Wyoming with a Remington Arms PR rep to test out a new bullet. Earlier that day, Zumbo had heard about a new trend of using M-16 and AK-47 knock-offs (sometimes called “black” rifles) for hunting…

His negative comments about “black” rifles (he went so far as to call them “assault” rifles — oh, I’m getting the vapors!) began an Internet jihad among the failthful. His employer’s sponsors pulled support and people called him childish names. All I can say is: way to go, NRA. Heaven forbid there might be differences of opinion about which weapon is or is not appropriate for hunting.

For instance, if Tiger Woods (he’s some kind of golfer, as I understand it) suggests that a particular golf club is inappropriate for the sand, he’s not suggesting that no one should have or use that club. Nuance, kids.

Once again, zealots often eat their own. (See, I avoided any mention of shooting ones self in the foot… D’OH!) I’m very pro-gun rights — very — but I’ll never give the NRA a penny. They’ll take that penny from my cold, dead hands. Nutball Reactionary Asshats.

Update: Dr. Colbert spins it nicely. [The video I had embedded here from Comedy $entral has gone stale. Thanks bozos.]

The only nit I would pick with people on this subject (on both sides) is this bandying around of the 1st Amendment. The Constitution circumscribes the powers of government. Outdoor Life is not the government. If they want to fire their columnist for expressing an opinion they don’t like, that’s business. It’s stupid, ignorant, business. Not all that is legal is wise — a concept that is difficult for many people these days to deal with as it requires, you know, thinking.

Apparently Russell Crow owns a “football” team. Apparently this “football” team had cheerleaders until recently. According to this bit at Sports Illustrated (I only read it for the articles):

SYDNEY, Australia (AP) — Russell Crowe says his rugby league club’s cheerleading squad is being cut because skimpily clad cheerleaders detract from the game and make spectators uncomfortable.

The Oscar-winning actor, who is part-owner in the South Sydney Rabbitohs club, said the club had become concerned that the cheerleaders — whose uniform includes fishnet stockings and tasseled miniskirts in the white, green and red team colors — were inappropriate entertainment.

Two observations: 1. Why not just change the cheerleaders’ uniforms? 2. You’ve just eliminated the only reason I might want to watch a “football” (rugby in this case) match.

Fess up.

When is a man’s medical emergency not all that urgent? Apparently when sports are on the tube.

A drop in the number of men going to the emergency room during sports broadcasts on TV is followed by a surge afterward, reports an ER doctor who reviewed case numbers over three years at the University of Maryland Medical Center in Baltimore.

To avoid missing any of the action, I recommend a few simple guidelines:

1. Stake out the most comfortable chair (preferably a recliner) or couch available. Being able to recline in the event of an injury can mean the difference between seeing that overtime field goal at home in HDTV and having to watch a game recap on some ER lobby’s busted old-school TV.
2. Keep snacks and beverage within easy reach. The fewer trips you have to make to the refrigerator, the less chance there is of an injury along the way. Bonus: Appoint a snack caddy. The snack caddy is any disinterested person in the house who can (somehow) afford to miss a few seconds of the game. She is often related by marriage.
3. Timely kidney taps. For hygiene reasons I do not recommend skipping bathroom breaks. Yes, the trip to the loo will necessarily place you at risk for physical injury but some things are unavoidable. Try to time your beer consumption so that bladder draining can take place — in the case of NFL games — at the two-minute warnings before halftime and the end of regulation play. Do not tary at the toilet; you may be missing quality commercial messages intended for your demographic.
4. Bleeding may indicate a problem. If you discover that you are bleeding for some reason during the game, apply direct pressure to the wound or ruptured vessel to limit the loss of vital bodily fluids. Excessive blood loss could lead to a loss of consciousness or death and, thus, limited game enjoyment. Bleeding from an extremity can be lessened somewhat by elevation. The idea here is to maintain homeostasis until the final credits have rolled.

I hope these tips are useful to you now and throughout the season.

[Photo: PhillipC]

What do you do when your football team is losing badly? One possible reaction is to kick your opponent in the face with your cleated shoe. (!)

Cowboys Andre Gurode needed stitches above his forehead and beneath his eye Sunday after being kicked twice by Titans defensive Albert Haynesworth.

The incident occurred after Dallas had taken a two-touchdown lead in the third quarter.

Gurode’s helmet came off after the scoring play, a 5-yard run by Julius Jones, and Haynesworth, standing over him, used his right foot to kick Gurode in the head.

…

Haynesworth, who was ejected, expects to be disciplined.

“What I did out there was disgusting,” Haynesworth said. “It doesn’t matter what the league does to me. The way I feel right now, you just can’t describe it.”

I’m not sure why Haynesworth is worried about what the league does to him. He should properly be worried about spending some time locked up away from his fellow citizens at least long enough for him to ponder the fruits of assault. He didn’t just earn a penalty he committed a crime. What a putz.

On the other hand, I’m sure the Cowboys appreciate having T.O. out of the news for a while.

[Photo: compujeramey]

Two teams played a pre-season game against one another. The team with the most points at the end of four quarters of play won the game. As this was a pre-season game, none of the stats (none of which I will repeat here) count for or against the regular season. Several important individuals were inducted into an elite organization of some type.