Sabbatical 1998 - Day 22

Tied Up in Knott's

Took a short trip down the road to Anaheim, home to Knott's Berry Farm (and another well-known theme park.)

Since I was here last (just two short years ago... short years as opposed to regular ones) they have added two attractions: Supreme Scream (a drop tower) and Windjammer (a steel racer-style roller coaster.)

Supreme Scream was just that: Supreme.  The ride pulls you to the top (many, many feet into the air) and let's you go.  You decelerate rapidly as you near the bottom and then are propelled upward again to about half of your original height... the cycle continues until you eventually reach the bottom.  Plays with your mind and gives you a great view of the lush greenery that is Los Angeles.  I give it a Hurl Factor 4.

Windjammer could have been interesting, but it wasn't.  I mentioned that this is a "racer-style" coaster.  That means it has two tracks with independently running cars.  Unfortunately there was only one track running.   The other track looked to have more intense dips and spins to it.  Despite the mundane travel path, I managed to get my ears mashed against the sides of the head rest.  It actually hurt to ride this thing.  There's a similar problem with another one of Knott's coasters: The Boomerang.  I think this is due to the fact that Knott's doesn't have the wide open spaces that Disney or Six Flags have and so the rides have to be confined to a smaller "foot print."  This makes the turns all that more harsh.  I give this a Hurl Factor 2 with a 80% likelihood of internal bleeding and/or concussion.  I was tempted to go get my motorcycle helmet.

The main reason I came to Knott's today was so that I could re-visit an old flame.  Yes, I have a mistress at Knott's.  Her name is Montezooma's Revenge.   The first time I encountered this ride back in '87 or so, I spent the entire day riding it: 37 times.  The next time I visited, just two of those short years ago, I rode it only 19 times.  This time all I could handle was 14 times around the turnstile.  Someone is getting older.  Could be that the ride is getting more intense.  Yes, that must be it.  I give 'Zooma a Hurl Factor 3, but there's a fun surprise waiting for you at the top of the rear spire.  The "hang time," that is, the period of weightlessness, is something that you really have to experience to believe.  I get a little shiver every time I think about it.  Who needs acid?  Adrenaline is so cheap.

Another coaster that is definitely worth riding is called Jaguar.   Despite its wicked-sounding name, it is actually quite tame.  The track meanders all over the park and has a nice, smooth course to it.  Just the thing after the bone-crunching ride of Windjammer or Boomerang.

A coworker of mine thought I was unwise to ride my motorcycle to California by myself.   She told me that there are a lot of crazy people down here to which I replied, "yes, but most of them have moved up here." Turns out that there are indeed many, many more crazies down here than I had imagined. 

This woman, for instance, was completely wooden to me.  I mean, sure, she's a working stiff like the rest of us, but she seemed so inflexible.  Shiver me timbers!  I bet she does knot have anyone to treed her right.  Termite. Termite not.  Maybe she's just board.  Well, I lumbered away and she beamed at me. Don't know what I ever sawed in her.  Maybe I just went against her grain.  Women like her don't exactly grow on trees.

[Just when all hope seemed lost I was able to stop the punning.   People at work have probably been missing my lunch time pun seizures.]

Took in the Wild West stunt shoot-em-up extravaganza.  If you look closely at the picture you can see special guest star Garth Brooks kneeling near the upper left-hand side of the frame.  He didn't sing or even get announced, but I'm pretty sure that's who it was because he's got nothing better to do than hang around backstage at theme park stunt shows. The cowboys taught our children (well, not my children... that I know of) that violence in the form of fist fights and gun play is a good way to settle disputes.   Some of the boys went with short sleeves so that they could exercise their right to bare arms.

Rode the Log Ride (a splashy flume ride) to keep cool, although that didn't always work.  So I tried to stay in the shade as much as possible.  Finally, at about five I had to hang it up.  There was just no way I could replace the water I was losing to evaporation.  I didn't want to end up like some Star Trek red shirt; all freeze dried and compacted into a small, colorful tetrahedron, now would I?

On Day 23 I will visit the Happiest Place on Earth.  No, I won't be going back to work for another week.  I'm talking about the other happiest place on earth.  (Donald Duck instead of Dragster.  Pluto instead of Private Plane.)